Memorial Day Confessions

This weekend, I:

– Admit that I cried (a few) real tears of emotion during an especially poignant episode of What Not to Wear.

– Coveted large, expensive sunglasses from Glare, then remembered the fateful day I plunged into Lake Sonoma while wearing the one pair of sunglasses I have ever purchased that cost more than $30. They cost $89. They now live at the bottom of the lake. I did not buy new sunglasses.

– Wondered, why did I not realize how hot Clive Owen is before now?

– Realized I am very afraid of the Sex & the City movie.

– Learned that, in some small rural Wisconsin towns, they only have room for one strip club, which results in male and female strippers catering to their different and varied audiences in a single building, and that it is really funny when your husband ends up there at a bachelor party with his friends, and they end up having to block the vision of semi-dressed men from the corner of their eyes while they are trying to buy lap dances, or whatever it is that men do in those situations.

– Fell in love with the mango slicing tool that they are selling in the produce section of Safeway.

– Refused to make my bed. What’s the point? I am just going to get back in it.

– Discovered that not everyone has heard of the dog whisperer, and when you mention that you tried something you learned from the dog whisperer, that someone might think you actually believe there is a guy who can telepathically communicate with dogs, and that this is how you have been training your dog, and this may be why your dog is afraid of balloons and has other problems.

– Concluded that three days is not enough, but then, what is?

  • You are too funny! Don’t buy expensive sunglasses! You will lose them! Oh, and I’ve almost killed myself many times trying to cut a mango! I need that slicer…

  • you know i love those yard sale sunglasses. even if they have so many scratches i can’t see out of them.

    the mango slicer is da bomb. in our fabled rap group, that would definitely warrant a track.