F.L.O.G.* Interlude

Why is it that female fitness instructors in group exercise classes from sea to shining sea delight in exercise moves that always, for some godforsaken reason, involve vigorous thrusting, rhythmic butt squeezing and/or  spread eagle leg formations? Why is it that no male fitness instructors have ever asked me to do anything even close?


And while you chew on that, take this little nugget of advice for the day: when next you’re caught in this situation, don’t try to weasel-out with your own “lite” version of a particular move where thrusts, butt squeezing or spread eagle leg lifts are heavily involved, lest you end up like I did yesterday, with the instructor taking a sudden interest in your obvious lack of thrusting vigor and highlighting this for the entire class by standing right there, going “harder, faster, harder!”

I understand that thrusting is important for certain activities, or else most of us wouldn’t be here today. So I’ll just say this: thank the lord for gay male fitness instructors who love cheesy house music, aren’t afraid of throwing in a little girlie step aerobics here and there, but have no qualms getting drill sergeant on your ass when you slack off. And let’s hope that certain ones don’t take another day off anytime soon, because that might result in more sub instructors who might have a thing for thrust moves that I might have to end up doing.

* F.L.O.G. = For the Love of God!!! (Said in a loud, exasperated tone and not, actually, for the love of any god. Not that there’s um anything wrong with god).